the eighties mentality

i love retrospectives or special features
when you can look behind the scenes of something made when people thought differently about their role, or the role of society.

kids in the eighties were the pioneers, who saw the first frontier of the new millenium. the cyberspace age. how we think being shaped by mediums. channels from mystic places like california and new york. blessing the poor with a will to keep going, and look for signs of magic. but our brains became the bomb shelter.




watch your imagination SOAR

also the birthplace of sci-fi. the imagination. aliens, ghosts, psychokillers, loving aliens, psychic connections--hearing voices of intuition. the sound of a loon, pre-empting something spiritual looming in the dark outside the cottage. the owls of evil. and the light of truth.



the 20th century has been an unusual journey, through wars one generation experiences, and the next doesn't understand and so on.

Movies don't have the role of protector or guide anymore. I wonder if I take what I connected to in movies to things I own like my iPod or my computer. They can become a friend that you know isn't going to judge you. putting you in control of the outcome. freeing up the ability to research through lines of infinite communication.



But still, oh to drop out of that fantasy of knowledge to the real world

a waste land of safety and control. creative possibility is diminished because of the nagging fear of stepping out of line and being noticed. afraid of the powers or the judgement. this fear develops from adolescence, and the miscommunication continues. even though I live in a world so full of wonder, questions, magic and possibility, it stays deep down when i am in public. people in suburbia are just looking to be entertained, but not willing to engage. those who think differently will act differently. subject only to the judgment of ordinary people living ordinary lives. when it is not judgment it feels like redicule. amazed by a figure who is like someone in the movies. there simply to entertain. this is all false, as everyone has an interesting and unique experience. i guess some just share it better than others.



I used to think I could earn my social life being one of these characters. i lost touch with how to be myself around people. and when I would I felt very sad, and wanted to hide away.
the drama of it is amazing. i am not ashamed that i have deep feelings, they help me understand the world better. but i was taught to be ashamed, that it's not comfortable for other people if you act differently or out of line.



makes me feel like a fool looking back. is it healthy to still be afraid of my mistakes even after everything i've been through?

real feelings and experiences are nothing like the movies
but if there was a movie that was in touch with it
society would change