customers

sometimes when i work at safeway
i wonder if old people have conversations like this about my outstanding customer service skills

it's time to bring this ship to the shore, and throw away the oars.. FOREVER

omg I LOVE THIS SONG
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgWABKQpvqA

<3

I saw this record in Value Village and the cover made me so happy I wanted to share it with everyone.
I don't have a record player. Is America a good band? I haven't heard them.

the eighties mentality

i love retrospectives or special features
when you can look behind the scenes of something made when people thought differently about their role, or the role of society.

kids in the eighties were the pioneers, who saw the first frontier of the new millenium. the cyberspace age. how we think being shaped by mediums. channels from mystic places like california and new york. blessing the poor with a will to keep going, and look for signs of magic. but our brains became the bomb shelter.




watch your imagination SOAR

also the birthplace of sci-fi. the imagination. aliens, ghosts, psychokillers, loving aliens, psychic connections--hearing voices of intuition. the sound of a loon, pre-empting something spiritual looming in the dark outside the cottage. the owls of evil. and the light of truth.



the 20th century has been an unusual journey, through wars one generation experiences, and the next doesn't understand and so on.

Movies don't have the role of protector or guide anymore. I wonder if I take what I connected to in movies to things I own like my iPod or my computer. They can become a friend that you know isn't going to judge you. putting you in control of the outcome. freeing up the ability to research through lines of infinite communication.



But still, oh to drop out of that fantasy of knowledge to the real world

a waste land of safety and control. creative possibility is diminished because of the nagging fear of stepping out of line and being noticed. afraid of the powers or the judgement. this fear develops from adolescence, and the miscommunication continues. even though I live in a world so full of wonder, questions, magic and possibility, it stays deep down when i am in public. people in suburbia are just looking to be entertained, but not willing to engage. those who think differently will act differently. subject only to the judgment of ordinary people living ordinary lives. when it is not judgment it feels like redicule. amazed by a figure who is like someone in the movies. there simply to entertain. this is all false, as everyone has an interesting and unique experience. i guess some just share it better than others.



I used to think I could earn my social life being one of these characters. i lost touch with how to be myself around people. and when I would I felt very sad, and wanted to hide away.
the drama of it is amazing. i am not ashamed that i have deep feelings, they help me understand the world better. but i was taught to be ashamed, that it's not comfortable for other people if you act differently or out of line.



makes me feel like a fool looking back. is it healthy to still be afraid of my mistakes even after everything i've been through?

real feelings and experiences are nothing like the movies
but if there was a movie that was in touch with it
society would change

sunshine & work shifts

The sun has been shining lately, and it makes everything feel so good!
I work at the Starbucks in Safeway now. It's this small & old Safeway that doesn't get that busy so I like it.
I answered a craigslist ad for this girl who turned out to be someone I knew and met years ago. Her and I might be moving in together, but I'm not sure.

My mind is really cluttered. I wish I had enough money to go to the doctor and get medication because I can't even focus on things at work sometimes.

If it holds me back that much I think I have serious problems. Like a disability. Fuck I don't know.

Life is crazy

california

If I try not to be an idiot with my money I might be able to save a grand or two to buy this sweet 1980 volkswagen cabriolet (for sale right now actually) and take her on a road trip to california.

I want to do that SOO bad. I think about the redwoods, and the quiet beaches. Anybody want to come? DISTANT FUTURE PLANNING

I signed up for mensa testing this morning. I have been watching the show "freaks and geeks" lately (for the first time) and it has reminded me that in high school I was so isolated and didn't even have a group of friends to hang with or relate to. I think it's time I try to find some fun, intelligent people to just hang out with. I love being around people, but I carry around a lot of bitterness and resentment that I've been so isolated my whole life and have had to pretend to be a different person in most social situations in order to try to work the system. Even around my parents most of the time.

There's a time in my life where I realized I was lying too much, and faking everything. I guess there is something tempting about being in a negative paradigm but it can be so fatal. After a while you get used to a really narrow view of the world and it's possibilities because it can seem so threatening. Then I guess I just woke up after a while and I realized that the world and people aren't that bad.

I guess it's over and now I just have dreams about cool girls with brains that want to ride in my cabriolet.
come on babes
we can listen to my muxtape
reapandsow.muxtape.com

rainbow magic

I found these pictures by the same person on flickr
I think it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen

a parent's relationship with their young child can be so mysterious and full of meaning

cat pictures

in other news,
there's a cat that keeps coming to our deck window.
i don't like petting it too much without washing my hands after because it is full of scaly white dandruff and it really grosses me out.

it's a stray cat that according to our landlord has been coming around the house for a long time.

however, the cat is totally cute and wants attention so bad.

matt and I gave him milk and food so he'll be coming back again forever.

we named it eli

all night long (all night)

Uhhhhh.. my laptop is working again. It stopped giving power when something happened to the power adapter cord and I think I fixed it.

I want money. Victoria is OK but I am so bored and I need attention. I went to lambrick park church for 5 minutes and left before the service started. while I was sitting by myself this 30-year-old looking guy walked out of "the prayer room" (there was an actual sign beside the room) and starting talking to me in a really exaggerated "caring", direct & possessive tone of voice and (seriously) had one foot on the edge of my chair. I think he had a goatee, or was balding but I would've barfed if I looked at his face. Questions he asked:
-who are you
-why are you here
-is this your first time
-are you from around here
-soo.. what are you about.. like what is your ultimate dream

after lying a lot, i kind of told him that I just wanted to sit here and politely told him these questions were none of his business. He just left and went to go talk to a group of smugly secure suburban teenage boys.

i had just finished text emailing an email to a friend, and the whole situation was really weird.

so yeah, i left and then went home and watched Hook and then got high and thought about my life and kind of moaned and got irritated about everything.

apparently there is a liquor store trailer near cook st. market that sells $7 bottles of wine (red and white). Hoooooly.




I might have got another job at safeway. I biked about 25 Kms to Sidney and rolled smokes while looking at the ocean. Then I got a call from Brittney from Safeway and she asked for my Social Insurance Number which I think I got wrong. She's going to forward it to Human Resources. I asked her if "this means I got the job" and she was like "well... we're interested in you. We just need to confirm a few things."

I have been relying on Matt who owes me money to basically get by, but I guess it's another fun adventure being broke and realizing how fruggle money spending is.

Ohh man.. First paycheck I'll get my pictures from the wedding developed and then I'll buy a bottle of wine and drink it in the park. I'll take pictures...

Victoria is cool right? I mostly feel trapped by the fact that I have to pay to get off the island. I seem to be surrounded by people that are "into" really conventionally middle of the road alternative lifestyles.. like being in a reggae band or being in ridiculously great shape.

I miss being ruthlessly east coast

epic bike ride

A few days ago I went to Colwood to buy a $300 CCM fixed gear bike for $65. UsedVictoria.com = amazing.

Today, Matthew (my brother) and I biked downtown to go to the library. We got in a bit of a fight because I can be a total asshole to him sometimes. He parted ways from me, which was totally fair.

I spent time at the library, read a few magazines and then embarked on this unplanned bike trip:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&saddr=Southgate+St+%4048.417550,+-123.362530&daddr=Heywood+Way+%4048.412155,+-123.361103+to:Dallas+Rd+%4048.407068,+-123.348077+to:Hollywood+Crescent+%4048.409093,+-123.330197+to:King+George+Terrace+%4048.409084,+-123.318362+to:Beach+Dr+%4048.412563,+-123.308147+to:48.462706,-123.297544+to:Juniper+Pl+%4048.493520,+-123.326030&hl=en&geocode=1731158819420382868,48.417550,-123.362530%3B398015106463711088,48.412155,-123.361103%3B15841534981158863702,48.407068,-123.348077%3B12274409073417681212,48.409093,-123.330197%3B1208252022984816949,48.409084,-123.318362%3B3241049870219359165,48.412563,-123.308147%3B880093293559864686,48.493520,-123.326030&mra=dpe&mrcr=0&mrsp=6&sz=15&via=1,2,3,4,5,6&sll=48.461966,-123.297544&sspn=0.013603,0.027637&ie=UTF8&ll=48.488425,-123.322649&spn=0.013596,0.027637&t=h&z=15
If anything, I'm happy to have moved here so I can park my bike down a hidden path that leads down to a semi-private public beach with a view of a lighthouse.

Feels very good on my soul

Tell me everything good or bad about your life