making it up as i go along

can you handle it?
can I handle it?
f-ing baked

chemical bros

i remember 7 years ago
when i would listen to chemical brothers
and be in love with how it sounded
and have no idea who influenced them or where they fit

HMV was the music source
in the mall
and I would listen in the listen stations
to beastie boys, chemical brothers & radiohead
happily\\\\\\

music doesn't touch my soul like it used to

to win sometimes you have to lose

anti-fomo

i spent the evening just chillin on my laptop after a day of helping my dad move garbage and junk to the landfill. it resulted in a laid back summer mix (as requested by kieran & alysha initially) for anyone who wants it:


http://rapidshare.com/files/116335765/summer_mix.zip.html

i looked into joining a canadian version of the peace corps but i don't think it'll work out...

more to come

mix tape

for a simple summer night

the english beat - save it for later
peter gabriel - mercy street
galaxie 500 - isn't it a pity
linda ronstadt - you're no good
todd rundgren - hello it's me
glen campbell - rhinestone cowboy
richard & linda thompson - has he got a friend for me

crystal vision

i keep my visions to myself

time to grow

pansies are in bloom this summer

microworlds

I am feeling better today. I have plans to get better connected with the cultural elite of Vernon and make my mark on this town.

Could someone please buy for me every back issue of Omni Magazine on eBay?

weird penticton

I feel so lonely and strange about downtown Penticton. To me, it is walking in dark & failed dreams. How do you learn to survive that without just going to the bottle?

This is still depressing me after 3 days...

This failure of meaning seems to bleed in through most of British Columbia spilling out on the streets, on peoples faces, on the way they dress themselves. Hope for a better life, filled with sun and fun but regret and disappointment seems to linger everywhere you go.

pas de deux

I have a tendency to dwell. It is peaceful when it is mindful and honest. However, my mind acts itself out--dwelling in succession--like a series of transportation transfers without any clear destination. Thinking about dreams, guilt, natures, satisfaction.

I found great pleasure tonight in washing my face. I took the time to lather my hands, turning off the tap so I could listen to the sound it made. Then I rubbed the blackish grey of the coal/licorice soap on my face, continually rubbing for minutes, trying to dwell on my skin pores, in their simplicity. I then put the hair dryer on cold setting and closed my eyes, drying my skin for at least one minute imagining I was at the ocean or driving in a car.

I have been snacking today on grapes, in bunches. I cut them in half with my tongue and then squeeze out the inner part with my fingers gently, eat that and then eat the skin.

I have a weird way of eating everything. When I eat Jelly Beans I scrape the coating off with my teeth all the way around and then suck the rest of the sugar coating off until it's completely clear, then I look at the jelly bean and eat it. I like to know that it's always just clear jelly, and the particular coating & color is just a factory made coincidence.

I like to wash my feet with Clean & Clear facial cleanser before I go to the bed sometimes. The scrubbing bubbles feel so amazing!

To dwell is to dwell forever, but to consider and learn is to understand.

PRECIOUS JEWELS

Don't you love it when you wake up in the morning and all you can see out the window is white/grey sky? It makes me think about a new day that is fresh and pure and possibly overcast, which can be nice.

I just watched the "College" episode of the Sopranos last night. I started on the 1st Season and it's really amazing!!

I start my new job at Safeway today working in the Gas Station. Free coffee and maybe book reading? We'll see...

Going to Pentiction with my mom to check out a Caribbean restaurant (THE ONLY IN THE OKANAGAN).
OMG look at this food:





We might visit my Grandmother's grave and put flowers on it for mother's day. I don't know if she had many precious jewels, but she had a luminating smile and a good sense of humor.

Works for me!

My mom made this in memory of her when she died a few years ago:

radio radiations

I heard "That's what takes me higher" by Sonique on the store radio at a local grocery store called Polson A Foods in this little strip mall and it pretty much made my life.



I went to Davidson Orchards today and had apple crumble pie and coffee with my mom. It was like Twin Peaks except I have a bit of a sunburn now.

It's time to watch 3 or 4 more episodes of the Sopranos!

in your eyes the light the heat in your eyes

being in love would be nice
admiration and love
peace
in general

neighbours in the sun

what are your favorite things?
have you taken a trip to the grand canyon? and do you have family in flagstaff? did you just recently start to eat organic? do you dream of a romantic getaway in paris? is your father a farmer with a love for goats? what do you think about iron maiden? is your freezer full of steaks?

i am thinking about things so much. there are so many things to share that are funny and interesting, but they are like weird dreams that are difficult to explain.



i like to drive around with my brother and listen to The Game & M.I.A. Black Wall street sounds so scary. If your stock plummets so does your crew and everyone u knew. BANG BANG. ALL I WANNA DO IS bang bang bang bang AND TAKE YOUR MONEY. Cartoon violence.

I am just a sillouette most of the time in the passenger seat

Do you ever think about what it would be like to be someone else. To see with their eyes and experience life in their body? Would it be weird since you know what it's like to see them from the outside? I can't visualize myself from the outside too much, but I'm working on it. I just look at old pictures of myself from 3 or 4 years ago and know that I've changed a lot, and pretend like that person is a stranger and what it must have felt like for other people to have interacted with me at that time.

I dreamt that re-occurring dream where I'm in a strange city on the subway and it breaks down, and I have a lot of baggage. I get chased down by these mysterious people who are trying to kill me for some reason. When I smash the subway window to get outside it's like I'm in a big purpleish cave with lots of mushrooms. I have a use a gun and a metal beam to rip the wall open to get outside. When I do I'm in a field of wheat just before sundown and I have to run really fast through the field to this barn in the distance and I'm still being chased by these evil creatures. They are really crafty but out of shape. I get to the barn and realize I'm in the African savanna or something and then I wake up.

books groceries blue sky

On overcast days like today my two favorite things are making oatmeal and covering it with saran wrap to watch the moisture condense


and wearing plaid



I might have to spend another hour at BJ's Used Books down the highway to try to find a book to read for the summer. I've been reading Hermann Hesse and Raymond Carver and that's been filling the gap pretty well.

I worked one shift at Safeway and it was STRESSFUL. About half-way through I gave up paying attention to the details I was supposed to memorize because I decided I wanted to work in another department. My manager called yesterday to set up more shifts and I told her I couldn't work in the Deli because it was too much multi-tasking (seriously it is). She said that's ok and it's not for everyone. I don't know if this was a stupid move? Work is work I guess... I don't have a very good work ethic.

Tasks today include: maybe finishing watching Mrs. Doubtfire, taking a nap, callling my manager to see if there is work in another department and buying some brown rice and a case of Blue Sky from the health food store downtown.