middle of the road

k, so my blog is so boring...

i went to a wedding on the weekend in abbotsford. self-rightous whory overcrowded place christians vs. punjabis

fight to the YAWN

I got stoned with Dale's cousins, because I knew my way to the liquor store. I wish I took pictures. My head told me I couldn't because they were probably not going to be cool with it and would think I was weird. we found a quiet spot in a back alley and sat on the steps of an apartment building.

i also spent time with a wonderful friend from montreal. he is wonderful because he let me stay the night several times and we had good conversations.

every time I go to church or a wedding I realize how much it tries to suck people in emotionally in order to manipulate them into something.. it's like this forced distant obligation of the leaders to organize it. It reminds me of television producers or something.. and then afterwards just talking to people face to face is so awkward because I don't know if I should judge them or if they are judging me.

Actually I'm letting go of this a lot and trying to focus in on what is good for me, rather then what I want or what I can react to.

i don't knowwwwwwwwwwww
christians in these parts are just a club of people that help each other and I like that sometimes, but it makes me feel bad that I want to do whatever I want sometimes. but I feel guilty because being selfish has made me so unhappy...

i look at people that are OK and accept their limitations and I really want that.

holy shit fucked up uhghhhghhghhg