Tuesday, December 2, 2008

from a to zinc

just starting taking centrum COMPLETE COVERAGE every day
i'm covered with my vitamins. I don't know how healthy this is.
For a while I was eating a spartan apple, bolthouse farms smoothie, some sort of health protien bar, and hard boiled eggs. plus some sort of deli sandwich.
i wasn't drinking enough water.
because when i'd come home my muscles were so tense and sore it was like i was 70 years old trying to lift myself out of a chair or something... SERIOUSLY. this really worries me.
it still is a bit of a problem.. I have hardly any flexibility. maybe it's because I lost so much weight in such a short time & in such an unhealthy way (not eating).

anyway, not being able to move properly or walk without limping was scaring me because I don't have health care yet, and there are no doctors in victoria. plus having to work everyday and commute to suburbia to serve coffee to rich mommies wasn't helping.

how is someone supposed to make friends if they can't walk properly or get into a car without wincing etc etc etc
not very easy to laugh at myself
locked inside my head for a while

i'm glad this is clearing up
i guess i just needed to eat more of something because i felt all withered and dried up

i wanted to go to the gym for a while
i spend a lot of my day people watching and there are so many attractive fitnessy/jock uvic boys running around safeway laughing carefree with their friends
while i go home on the bus walking home limping shivering back to my apartment to sleep on a springy hard mattress that i can hardly get up out of in the morning.

at least i'm getting enough sleep
and i stopped smoking
and i don't feel like my head is a big weight of lead
and i don't grind my teeth nervously as much

learn to let go of yourself
the nag that tells you to keep believing negativity
for any reason

and try to love people
everyone wants to be loved

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