the world is your ashtray

"...I seek that essential region of the soul where absolute evil confronts brotherhood" - William Styron (I think).

My parents broke it to the church that they are leaving Canada to work in South America. The way this started is my dad bought property in Roatan, an island off the northern coast of Honduras in the Carribean.

In some ways, coming home to sort out everything has been one of the best, but also the darkest times of my life. There are a lot of reasons for that. Mainly, it has forced confrontation of formally petty issues in our family, that are actually tearing us a part. On the good side, it seems like we are all growing and learning how to change.

All this change leaves me haggard. To escape the judgement and anxiety of my parents, I join my brother and his friends for dope smoking sessions that have in some ways helped me restore my self-esteem. I've observed that social respect in Vernon, British Columbia comes from not caring about what anyone else thinks or values and putting all your energy into some sort of activity (boarding, beach, video games, Iron Maiden).

Since my parents broke the news about leaving, the church decided to pay for a pastorial retreat on Keats Island north of Vancouver. They left this morning at 7am. When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought was that I should get high as early as possible and wander around downtown until I have to go to work at 2pm. Instead, with Matthew at school I took the car and bought Canadian Marlboro's at Charlie's Grocery and then headed to the coffee shop downtown. A 40-something man hiding behind wrap-around sunglasses was listening to classic rock on his cell phone on the patio where you are allowed to smoke. I asked him where the music was coming from (which was "Sunshine of your Life" by Cream) and his showed me his cell phone. He justified it by explaining he was a DJ and he likes to listen to his choice of music. His powers of observation led him to make a more "esoteric" choice for the next song and said he'd buy me a coffee if I could guess the CanCon band. "They are from Winnipeg" he said. I guessed the Weakerthans and he was surprised. He didn't buy me a coffee, but he did move to my table and ask me a bunch of questions. It was pretty annoying.

When we said our goodbyes, I headed over to the used book store and bought Sophie's Choice which I've been meaning to read for a while.