gospel

i've decided to start reading the gospel of john everyday for a week (any maybe more). I like this one because it focuses on Jesus being sent from God as a word. Like he was born to tell a story, born since the beginning. As far as written evidence goes for his time on earth everything he says makes him sound either like a total madman, or the son of God.

His discourse on being "living water" that you will never thirst again if you drink from it is very interesting. It makes me think that beyond all doubt and human knowledge there is a deeper current of living water that I very much wish to understand... that I would more than understand but to take part in.

Again he describes the Kingdom of Heaven. He also talks about the devil as a liar, which I would very much agree with. It is laid out here that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. For many years, I wanted to be left alone, as if it would be easy to ignore this religiousness of those that try to do good for their own salvation, or on the other hand become rebellious and pragmatic -- to believe that we simply must live our lives and forget about any other Gods or Jesus in the sky to save...

Either way, leave me alone God... I want to do this myself... I will have no part of you, because I'm quite comfortable living a lie... living in my own kingdom to preside over and make my own decisions for.

Good thing there is a third way... JESUS... the man from God, the word from the beginning sent to earth to tell the truth. The ultimate act of love and mercy. Every step of the way, few believed in him, and those that did feared to be public about following him for fear of being killed. This doesn't sound very much like the ubiquitous "popular" church on every corner kind of thing....

I'm just going to keep reading everyday to understand the layers and complexity, and I would encourage you to do so as well

goodnight moon

spirit come spirit go
like the moon it's hard to hold
once you see it maybe you'll know
but look again, now it's gone

round again round the bend
spirit blowing in the wind

stars

once it's gone, it never comes back

recipe for sick soup

ingredients:
traditional medicinals teas: cold formula, throat coat
lots of ginger
2 or more cloves of garlic
a handful of cilantro
ichiban noodles (or mr. noodles)
curry spice
franks red hot sauce
optional: lemon juice, a splash of jack daniels

boil 2 cups water with 2 tea bags throat coat and 3 cold formula (or to your liking)
let steep on medium heat for 4 - 10 minutes covered
remove tea bags and add lots and lots of garlic and ginger
add broken ichiban noodles and soup base package (optional but tasty) and let soften (generally 3 or 4 minutes on high heat)
add curry spice and cilantro to liking
finish with franks hot sauce and whiskey (to kick your colds ass).

finish with a long rest/bath/anything relaxing

hate being sick
:(

MORE LIKE, THE FITNESS LED AND THE GOURMET FED...

GOOD GOD

SO MUCH BULLSHIT

ALL AROUND ME EVERYWHERE

ENOUGH ALREADY

"SPOILED LITTLE VICTORIA OH HOW WE HATE YOU"
-the rest of canada

i want luke wilson's haircut in this movie

going a bit stir crazy living in victoria. i keep having dreams about new york city. one dream i went there with jen and matthew. i was trying to convince jen to come hang out on bedford ave. with me, but she wanted to go protest pro-abortion in front of the city hall because she had twins. and my brother took a cab to the bronx and hung out with nas and jay-z in a recording studio.

the dream is always weird though... like i'll be driving a really long time in the dark through these windy hills back and forth.. it feels like oregon and there's pine trees. then i have to get out of the car and i listen to the crickets and walk across a parking lot to a train station lit by a single lamp light. the train takes us all to new york city, but we're travelling really high up in the air on these stilts.. like the train tracks are really high up and we weave past the Chrysler building and stuff.

lately i've been really missing montreal. or at least missing the magic feeling i had when i lived there. like every weekend would possess magical encounters with friends, and the days would consist of my cold cheeks walking aimlessly from metro to bus stop to some amazing restaurant. where it doesn't feel like everyone is judging each other like in victoria.
victoria is weird.

there is a real defensive attitude here. people seem really offended and ready to tell you off if you suggest any sort of ill manner or feeling towards living here. like a person's experience couldn't possibly be bad since this place is some God given paradise. like there is some social mechanism keeping people from being too complicated without being totally ignored or cast aside. like high school.

i try to remember that at the heart it's a small town with a mostly intrusive big city veneer. in my opinion the culture here is an illusion or rather like a hologram being projected from some far off other city like vancouver, toronto or the UK. it seems a shame that talented, interesting, self-sufficient individuals only have so much to work with. there is a lot of subtle pressure on individuals to fit in to a mold of "self-sufficient individual" rather then have some coherant sense of themselves. i blame it on the cultural illusion combined with the insular nature of vancouver island. it's like too much information is being shot through a very narrow pipeline. you see a lot of people that look just right and act just right.. but it comes off to me as so so wrong. like people think they are living their life, but they are just a cast member on "The Real World" and they don't even know it.

It's a shame because there are a lot of frustrated, lonely, poor, mentally ill individuals who walk the streets and must be alienated by the hyper-consumer culture of victoria. maybe it just shows up more because it is such a small place. It has certainly affected my mental health. I feel like i'm in a walking dream here. The "culture" here doesn't make sense unless you totally buy into it, or you are used to it and manage to be content with the subtle pressures and rampant hedonistic culture.

You have to be a certain type of person to fit in here. like if you aren't ____ then people kind of don't want to bother with you at all.
maybe i'm over analyzing it.

i like my new job however. but i'm starting to have my doubts and fears about where i'm going with all this. i don't want to end up a lonely guy who sleeps too much and can't socialize.
don't drink and blog...